


Orgasms... FOR SCIENCE

by anemptymargin



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000, Re-Animator (1985)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Dubious Consent, F/M, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-10
Updated: 2012-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-30 21:37:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/336435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl Forrester is conducting an experiment of her own, and requires the help of one Doctor Herbert West. Unfortunately for him, the experiment is testing a love potion in the quest for husband number six.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orgasms... FOR SCIENCE

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Porn Battle 13. Missy, I blame you for this entirely.
> 
> Prompt: weird science, experiment, oddity, for science!
> 
> Kink Bingo: Drugs/Aphrodisiacs

She knew the second she laid eyes on the twisted freaks in Herbert West’s portfolio that she’d found one sick puppy to play with. Picking him up wasn’t exactly hard – Massachusetts in the late eighties? Blue Oyster Cult t-shirts, denim jackets and enough AquaNet to choke a whole tribe of Malaysian pygmies… and that was just her disguise. Now, luring him away from his basement where he’d burrowed in with the pretty boy and a grab bag of body parts and getting him into the waiting Winnebago was the hard part.

 

A quick spritz and she was ready to get noticed. She stumbled out of the camper and dramatically lurched across the street toward the house – flinging herself against the door, beating on it loudly and wailing for notice. The muscle had left and she knew he’d be alone, but it took nearly twenty minutes of theatrical howling and banging on the door before it opened to a frustrated, scowling little man staring at her incredulously. He’d seemed taller in the videos… no bother, she continued on her scheme anyway. “Oh god, help me! My husband’s in the camper and I think he’s having a heart attack, call for a doctor!”

 

He frowned, and then a slight twitch turned up the corners of his lips. “I am a doctor, madam, give me a moment and I’ll be there with my bag.”

 

Pearl waited on his doorstep and then led him to the parked camper and up the narrow steps, pinning him in from behind. A doctor? Right, and the Pope wasn’t a space alien. He was a little closer to ‘evil genius’ or perhaps ‘mad scientist’ (though nothing near as much as Clayton had been) – which made him a perfect candidate for husband number six. Assuming, of course, he proved worthy to be in service to the high empress of Quatar. “In the back, just make a right and follow it all the way down…”

 

“It’s too dark, where are the lights in here?” The smaller man stumbled over a pair of high heeled boots as he made his way down the narrow corridor toward what he assumed was some sort of bed. “I can’t see the… patient…”

 

“Just a little further, Doctor West…” She stood at the top of the small metal steps – her bumped up hair thrust inside the aluminum doorframe. “You’re almost there…”

 

Herbert paused and turned back toward her, his glasses catching a brief glint from his porch light – just enough to show his obviously unpleased expression. “I don’t recall giving you my name, Madam…”

 

“Oh, would you look at that, this door is actually an airlock…” She slammed her fist on an exterior button and the door closed – sealing him inside.

 

***

 

Once securely back on Quatar, Pearl parked the Winnebago right in her personal dungeon. There was no telling how West would react to the abduction and she’d be damned if she wasn’t gonna be ready for the worst. “Welcome to my world, Doctor.” She smiled broadly and flung open the door - waiting for what she assumed would be a rather angry little man. Instead, there was nothing. She waited nearly two whole minutes before becoming frustrated with the whole thing and storming up the steps; “Listen you little freak… I’m trying to show you something really…”

 

Herbert jumped from where he had hidden himself, tackling her down to the floor with a loud grunt; “Where have you taken me, woman?” He growled, grabbing a crunchy fistful of her overly sprayed hair. He held a syringe against her throat, letting the needle scrape against her skin. “There’s enough sedative in this syringe to drop a horse… possibly even you.”

 

“Oh no, that’s it!” She growled loudly and reached back, wrapping her fingers around one slender wrist. “I could break you like a pretzel, small fry!”

 

“I’d like to see you try,” he spat, attempting to pull away from her tight grip unsuccessfully.

 

With a loud shout like something out of a bad karate flick, she grasped him by the back of his shirt and yanked hard – throwing him against a row of fiberboard cabinets before yanking the needle out of her neck, not one drop of the sedative in her system. “Good enough for you, or do you want more?” She pushed up on her knees and lurched forward, pinning him against the cabinets again.

 

“You don’t have the guts.” He hissed, taking the hard blow with no more than gritted teeth. “Maybe you should just tell me what’s going on here!”

 

“You!” She snarled and grabbed him by the collar, “You are a vital part of my latest experiment.”

 

Herbert stilled and adjusted his glasses before asking in much more subdued tone; “Experiment?”

 

Of course, that would be the kicker – mad scientist kryptonite. Slowly, she let him down and smiled, pushing back her over-styled hair.  “Yes. I… I need your brainiac ways… for something.”

 

His eyes narrowed and he pulled away when she finally let go of him. “I’m nobody’s assistant, Madam. I’ve got very important work…”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… busy night stitching eyeballs onto fingers and that – I’ll get you back before you even left.” She shrugged a large smile at him; “Assuming you ever want to go back.”

 

“What are you implying?”

 

She rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the shoulder – pulling herself up and taking him with her. “Like it or not, you’re coming with me.” Somewhat amazingly, the smaller man didn’t protest as she dragged him out of the camper and to her dungeon lab. She almost felt bad shoving him into a holding cell… almost. “Mama’s got to rinse off the AquaNet and eighties funk, you be a good little evil genius and rest up… you’re gonna need your strength once the intergalactic time travel jetlag kicks in.”

 

“Time travel?” He raised an eyebrow, “Do you really expect me to believe that your Winnebago is capable of time travel?”

 

“Time, space… usually gets me where I need to be.” She replied quickly wandering toward a small refrigerator where she kept various projects that needed chilling – including her latest batch of love potion number twelve point five… the most recent revision of the formula created in the course of obtaining her official mad scientist certification. “Beverage? Can’t have you getting parched.”

 

He frowned and furrowed his brow, accepting the orange soda bottle. “And where are we?”

 

Eyes rolling again, Pearl let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re on the planet Quatar, millions of miles away where I rule as high empress of all peoples… now, if you’ll excuse me – I believe you have some stewing to get to.”

 

Herbert only shook his head and watched her go, settling in on the narrow bunk that took up most of one side of the small cell. Frustrated, he examined the cell for possible weaknesses – no sense in pushing himself to try and get out for nothing.

 

***

 

When Pearl returned, he was stretched out on the bunk – staring blankly at the bars from behind his glasses. “Heya, Nerdboy. How you feeling?”

 

“Fine.” He replied curtly; “I’d like to know the specifics of this experiment you’ve recruited me for.”

 

“Of course.” Pearl rolled her eyes and unlocked the cell door, and then paced across the dungeon to the small refrigerator to retrieve another orange bottle for Herbert. “It’s quite simple; really… consider it a test.”

 

“You are testing my patience, Madam. Nothing else.” Herbert sat up and frowned, taking the beverage without question and sipping it slowly.

 

“Right,” she smiled and sat on the cot beside him. “Well, see, I have a formula that I’ve done some work on that I think you can help me perfect.”

 

Furrowing his brow, a sudden smile twisted his thin lips. “Formula? And what is the molecular base?”

 

“Oh, you know… just a bit of green stuff and some red stuff and a dash of yellow things with some stuff.”

 

He frowned again; “I need an exact list to break down the chemical components.”

 

“I’ll work on that. Tonight.” She smiled and scooted a little closer on the dodgy cot – her smile spreading slightly when his muscles tensed beside her. “I think right now…” her voice took on an almost mocking tone, as though talking to an innocent child… or Nelson (who she did not miss even the slightest at all, really). “Right now, we should get to know each other a little better.”

 

“I know you as well as I need to,” Herbert sighed and closed his eyes, swallowing hard. She could already see the potion working it’s magic; his pale skin flushed and a slight sheen of sweat already forming on his brow. “I don’t make a habit of getting to know my assistants too well.”

 

“Oh, really? Because I got the impression that you and that pretty boy you’re shacking up with were… you know…” She raised her eyebrows and let out a low, suggestive mrowl. “You know…”

 

He opened his eyes slowly, eyebrow arching over the frame of his glasses. “What exactly are you implying?”

 

She was starting to get the impression that rolling her eyes was going to be status quo with this one. If he did well enough he’d definitely require a strong fist for training. Not that it would be a problem, of course. “Doing the nasty, you moron! Knocking boots, making the beast with two backs, playing a little bit of gentlemen of the back room, hanging with the brownie king, saddling up… getting it on!”

 

“My God, woman!” He shouted, blushing dark red; “What sort of perverse, foul…”

 

“Virgin.” She sighed loudly.

 

“What was that?”

 

“You’re a virgin. It’s fine… I can deal with that.”

 

“That is highly inappropriate, I don’t even know your name and you’re making base assumptions about my sexual proclivities!” He stood up, frowning until deep lines creased his chin.

 

“Or lack thereof.” She smirked, grabbing him by the front of his white button-down. “My name is Pearl. Remember it, buddy, because you’re gonna be screaming it in about five minutes.”

 

“Why I… don’t…” he spluttered, letting out a loud screech when she tugged at his trousers, popped open the fly and then unceremoniously pushed them into a pool around his ankles. “Madam!”

 

“Tighty-whities!” She giggled; “You really do just leak this aura of geek, don’t you? I bet you’re into Star Wars and Nova.”

 

“What? Why? Please…” He stammered, lips drawn up in a tight ‘o’ when she eased down his briefs. Clearly he was uncomfortable, but with the potion and hormones pumping through his system he merely stood still.

 

Pearl shook her head and licked her lips when he was exposed before her, his shirttails brushing against his partially hard cock. “Shut up, Herbert,” she ordered; “and take off your shirt.”

 

Confused, out of his element, and utterly unsure of what else to do – his fingers plucked at the small, clear buttons. And then a strangled cry seized his throat when he felt the heat of her mouth suddenly envelop him, swallowing hard. “Oh God…”

 

The larger woman grunted around the length, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively when she caught him looking down at her. He warmed quickly to her touch, but there was no telling how much of it was the potion and how much was sheer unease on his part. She took him deep; smudging red lipstick across his pale skin as he finally got the picture and rocked his hips tentatively. Feeling him stiffen against her tongue, she smiled and swallowed hard again.

 

His fingers knotted in her hair and Herbert let out a series of subdued, high pitched sounds that Pearl took for positive. When his thighs began to shake, he pushed himself to thrust harder against her – yelping loud when he felt her thick palm slap hard on the ass. “Pearl!” He shouted out of shock more than pleasure, clearly surprised when his body responded to a second and a third stinging swat. “More.” He panted loudly, hanging his head as he closed his eyes; “More.” As though heeding his demands, she slurped loudly and gave several hard swats, one right after the other until his fingers curled even tighter, yanking at her hair. His body seized unexpectedly and his muscles twitched and locked, for a blissful moment Herbert West’s thought stopped completely as he came over her stroking, teasing tongue.

 

Pearl swallowed hard and then pulled up off of his cock with a wide grin and replied; “You don’t call the shots here, little man.” She thumbed open the buttons on her jacket and let out an eager murmur of approval when the smaller man’s unease seemed to eke away and he moved forward to help her, taking a role in stripping off the layers of clothing submissively. “On your back.” She ordered, leaving him no option by guiding him to the cot with her strong hands on his hips.

 

“What is…” Herbert started to ask yet again what was going on but was cut off by her heavily rouged lips pressed hard against his as she thrust him down against the mattress, easily climbing on top of him. He felt the tug and tear of the buttons on his shirt being ripped open followed immediately by her fingernails raking down his sallow chest.

 

She guided him through the motions; it wasn’t exactly her first rodeo – not even the first with an unbroken mount. The larger woman pushed up on her knees, straddling his narrow hips until she seemed to loom above him. “You won’t be needing these,” she removed his glasses and dropped them over the top edge with a loud clatter of plastic against concrete before roughly cupping his chin; “How you holding up there, Freaky?”

 

“This… is… quite odd…” He swallowed hard, closing his eyes when the tip of his sensitive, yet still hard cock seemed to seek out the woman’s thick mound. When she shifted and dragged the tip down the slippery cleft, he let out another soft whimper – followed by a shuddering moan when she guided him inside.

 

It’d been a bit of a dry spell since the last husband bit the dust, and it felt nice to have the twerpy little man shuddering and squirming underneath her with each hard roll of her hips. “It’s good.” She groaned, pushing down against his shoulders as she rode him hard. “A very… very nice experiment.”

 

“Experiment,” he groaned, bucking up against her as hard as he could manage. Yes, that was a good word… he liked that word. “For… for science.” A shy smile quirked at the corners of his mouth, elongating to a shark-like toothy grin as his muscles began to once more spasm and seize.

 

“Good gravy, you’re a hair trigger!” Pearl pushed him down even harder, the metal frame giving a loud squeal of protest with each grinding bounce against the mattress. He’d need a lot of work in that area if she was gonna keep him around… and between his smarts and bit of a bold streak he might not be so bad of King-slash-husband in training. “Close, close… close…” Her voice crept up to a high-pitched whine, riding him through the pulse of his orgasm as he came again, his small hands gripping her arms tight enough to mark the skin. With a final hard push down against his pelvis, Herbert let out a loud groan of what sounded like both pleasure and pain, the sound only exceeded by Pearl’s vulgar cries.

 

After a long moment, her head dropped slightly and she smiled down at him. “Oh, this is good… good.” She laughed, pushing up off of him and then sitting on the edge of the cot. “Come on, on your knees Science-boy.”

 

“Hmm? Wha?” He squinted up at her and frowned suddenly, his body glowing pink and throbbing strangely.

 

“You heard me, Four-eyes, get your ass to work.”

 

“Madam!” He replied indignantly, struggling as best he could as she grabbed him by one shoulder and dragged him down to the floor. “What exactly are you….”

 

“Nuh, uh – tongue to work, come on. You are going to learn to do this or the whole thing’s blown.” She maneuvered him face first between her thighs, cupping her hand against the back of his hand. “Can’t compromise the experiment, can’t we?”

 

“Experiment, right… of course.” He sighed, shaking his head and squinting until he had a better idea of what was going on. “Wait, Pearl… what, what precisely does this have to do with your work?”

 

She smiled, her fingers gripping the thin hair and tugging hard; “Herbert, don’t ask stupid questions. Think of it as… as eating pussy for science.”

 

“For science?” He raised a wry eyebrow, squinting toward her face.

 

“Yes! Orgasms… for science!” An uncontrolled smile once more stretching her mouth; oh yes, he’d do well. “Tonight, after dinner, we can talk about your future in my… court.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.


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